Dealing with Grief (An Individual Story)
September 14, 2018
Losing a loved one is never easy whether you are a parent or not. But dealing with loss when you have a toddler or new born or basically any age of children comes with its own set of challenges. To me, losing my youngest sibling meant learning to grieve in the darkness so that I can stand tall in front of my children. It meant finding strength to get out of bed each day to prepare meals and change diapers. You see when you lose someone you held so close to your heart, a piece of your heart goes with them. You now have to learn to wake up every day without that little piece of you. This means finding the strength to walk through life with an incomplete heart and while some people might learn to do so by switching of their phones and binge watching movies with unhealthy fast food, parents don’t have this luxury. You have this little being whom you are responsible for who needs food and shelter (hence you eventually have to go back to work). So how did I get through a year after we lost our youngest sibling?
1) My little angel
Most people say their children are their reason for living, for me this couldn’t be truer. My love for my daughter surpassed any other emotion of pain I was going through and I used this to fuel the engine that is my soul to rise up each day.
2) Accepting that things have changed
As hard as it may be, I needed to accept that my life would never be the same; I would never be the same. It might seem odd but I felt “older” like life had just wiped the last essence of blissful childishness in me and I had now graduated to an older status in society. I am not the same person I was before and that may not necessarily be a bad thing so I need to accept it.
I am not a very religious person but I do believe very deeply that there is a heaven and that when I die I will get the opportunity to meet my brother and hold him in a warm embrace and ask him “Why?” Until then, I take it one day at a time.
4) A day at a time
In other words fake it until you make it. Learning to just get through the day without breaking down in tears was all I aimed for. With time it became easier as I became stronger.
5) Ask and Accept help
This is key. I believe I was partly able to get through a year because of my loving husband who held up the fort when I couldn’t; my loving family who lent us a helping hand with my sister-in-law even bringing food and my loving friends who would check up on me. When dealing with grief it is always best to ask for help that way you can reserve the little energy you have for the most important people in your life, your children.
Unfortunately, there is no magic potion that can help you get over the death of a loved one but remember time heals all wounds.
– Story shared by a Mama Mzazi Mom –