Guiding Children to Build Healthy Relationships

Relationships are an incredibly important part of a child and young person’s life. Healthy relationships have numerous benefits, such as a sense of security and support, while unhealthy relationships can have a long-lasting negative impact. It is therefore important to educate children and young people about what an unhealthy or abusive relationship looks like, the early warning signs, and how to maintain healthy boundaries.

Developing healthy relationship skills can help children develop confidence, resilience, communication skills and maintain friendships. You can help your child learn the skills to form and maintain positive relationships, and by doing that you will be supporting their mental well-being and helping to reduce the health impact of adverse experiences in childhood.

What is a healthy relationship?
Healthy relationships are essentially positive and children and young people should always feel respected, valued, supported, and encouraged. They should also be free to make choices about how they act and what they say.

What is an unhealthy relationship?Where healthy relationships are essentially positive, unhealthy relationships are essentially negative, they are based around an imbalance of power and control. There is control, coercion, or manipulation into doing things that you aren’t comfortable with and there is a lack of respect.

Guiding children into building healthy relationships involves fostering key skills and values that contribute to positive social interactions. Here are some suggestions:

1. Model Healthy Relationships:
   • Demonstrate healthy communication, empathy, respect, trust, and conflict resolution in your own relationships, whether with family members, friends, or colleagues. Children learn a lot by observing the relationships around them.
   • Role play positive relationship skills like compromise, seeing another’s perspective, and resolving conflicts through open discussion, not aggression.
   • Be someone they can talk to without fear about their peers and/or dating relationships. Listen without judgment.
2. Teach Communication Skills:
   • Encourage open communication by creating a supportive environment where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings.
   • Teach them to listen actively, consider others’ perspectives, and express themselves clearly and respectfully.
3. Promote Empathy:
   • Help children understand and identify emotions in themselves and others.
   • Encourage them to imagine how others might feel in different situations, promoting empathy and understanding.
   • Discuss the importance of mutual respect in friendships and romantic relationships. Relationships should have equality, kindness, and care for each other.
4. Set Boundaries:
   • Teach children about personal boundaries, consent, bodily autonomy and the importance of respecting others’ boundaries from an early age. Help them understand they have a right to their own personal space and to say no if they don’t want hugs/kisses from others.
   • Help them understand the concept of consent and the importance of seeking permission before engaging in certain actions. From a young age, teach children that “no” should always be accepted.
   • Discuss the importance of mutual respect in friendships and romantic relationships. Relationships should have equality, kindness, and care for each other.
5. Encourage Healthy Friendships:
   • Guide them in choosing friends who share common values and treat each other with respect.
   • Discuss the qualities of healthy friendships, such as trust, support, and mutual understanding.
   • Discuss relationship “green” and “red” flags. Explain what behaviors are healthy (good communication, equality, kindness) versus unhealthy (control, dishonesty, disrespect).
6. Teach Problem-Solving:
   • Equip children with problem-solving skills to handle conflicts constructively.
   • Teach them to negotiate and find solutions rather than resorting to aggression or avoidance.
   • Teach conflict resolution skills like open communication, compromise, and seeing the other perspective.
7. Promote Independence:
   • Encourage independence while fostering interdependence. Help children develop a strong sense of self while recognizing the value of collaboration in relationships.
8. Discuss Online Relationships:
   • Educate children about healthy online interactions and the potential risks of social media.
   • Emphasize the importance of kindness and respect in both online and offline relationships.
9. Celebrate Diversity:
   • Teach children to appreciate and respect diversity in cultures, backgrounds, and perspectives.
   • Encourage friendships with individuals from different backgrounds, fostering a broader understanding of the world.
10. Provide Guidance on Romantic Relationships:
    • As children grow older, offer age-appropriate guidance on romantic relationships, emphasizing mutual respect, communication, and consent.
11. Offer Emotional Support:
    • Be a supportive presence for your children, helping them navigate challenges in relationships and providing guidance without judgment.
    • Be a good listener and allow them to open up about relationship issues they may be facing with peers.
    • Encourage them to have a support system of caring family and/or friends they can rely on.
12. Build their self-esteem:
    • Children with confidence are better equipped to avoid codependent or abusive relationships. Praise them and focus on their strengths.

By consistently incorporating these principles into your parenting or educational approach, you can play a crucial role in shaping children’s abilities to build and maintain healthy relationships throughout their lives. The foundations of healthy relationships involve good communication, equality, trust, respect for boundaries, and resolving conflicts constructively. The key is starting the conversation early and creating an environment that models, teaches and positively reinforces what a respectful, caring relationship looks like.